What happens when raunchy porn journalist Joe Diamond (Aka Joe Zeigfeld) teams up with X-Play's bad-boy director, "Wild Man" will Ryder? It's an unforgettable night of debauchery, chronicled in Joe's latest "Adventures of an Average Joe" column in the current issue of Oui Magazine. (Check out the lip-smacking cover story on Tanya Danielle.)

Joe trekked from the Big Apple to Tinseltown for All Media Play and Intoxicate U's "Mother Fucker of All Porn Parties." "Think of will as your mentor in mischief," X-Play head Jeff Mullen tells Joe. "Stick with him, and I promise you'll have the sickest things to write about for your column."

Among the highlights: "A new girl in the jizz biz-a hot blonde Georgia Peach-flashed her tits and ass to will. He took her out to the service staircase to give her some pointers. Waiters squeezed by running up and down the stairs with buckets of ice while will had her bent over the banister giving her a short course in Anal 101."

Joe encounters "A sweet-faced brunette with succulent lips," who tells him, "I've got nothing to play with." She has to repeat it five times before Joe can "figure out what this drunken bimbo's trying to say." as if that were a turn-off. "What a coincidence," he tells her. "I need to be played with." her breath could kill a skunk. But "When you're horny as hell (not to mention a little intoxicated yourself), there are many worse things than a stinking, slurring slut throwing herself at you. Still, I was glad when she got tired of sucking my tongue and decided it was time to give my dick (which, thankfully, despite all those wonderful sensory receptors has no sense of smell or taste) a little CPR.

"Despite her drinking, her brain-to-mouth and brain-to-hand coordination were marvelous. She did first-rate work and had me hosing down her throat with a burst of cum-mouthwash in no time."

"Now this is exactly what a porn party should be," notes will, as a cute blonde licks his balls.

Read the whole story in the current issue of Oui.