(ENCINO, CA) -- In 2 weeks the Olympics Start in Athens, Greece and the Porn business wants to cash in on the hype. The location is in Encino, home of the Valley girl and XXX movies. The teams competing today are Adam & Eve, Private, Red Light, DVSX, and Wicked.

11:34am: I find the location and parking was easy. There is a registration desk and I get my wristband to attend the event. After a quick scan of the property, I immediately see some nakedness by the swimming pool. The lovely Carmen Luvana and Miss Kitty of Adam & Eve are posing for the press on the diving board. This must be a very old pool since the diving board has been outlawed since the 80's. Carmen has her tits out as she massages Kitty's mosquito bite size tits.

The next girl, Gen Padova has her top and bra on and everyone yells for her to take it off. The press wants to see tits and ass. The more the better. Next up is Cytherea (Wicked), a hot chick who reminds me of Natalie Portman. I'm a Star Wars fan so that makes her my favorite girl at the event. Another press guy had a good idea to ask girls if they need any suntan lotion. The reason he's still doing press for Porn is that he had spray on lotion. What's the sense of lotion if you can't rub it on their bodies? I tell him that the Gay games are next door.

As I watch girl after girl pose for the guys I think of a new product. It might be available but I haven't seen it yet; Suntan lotion with lube so that you can fuck in the sun. Don't everyone do a Google search at once to see if it exists.

12:15pm: The games are about to begin with Nikki Hunter singing the National Anthem. She got all the words correct and sounded fine. They have Porn Karaoke on Tuesday, Nikki.

The events in order are:

Topless Potato Sack Race.
Porn Star Beachyball.
Nipple and Slide.
Tug of Whore.
Bitch Fight.

The game was a relay race with 2 girls on each team traveling a distance of about 100 feet in a potato sack. All the teams ran at once and Cytherea (Wicked) had a lead at the turn but was passed by Ashley Long (Private) and RayVeness (Red Light) at the finish. Gold - Red Light, Silver - Private, and Bronze - Wicked.

The net was about 5 feet high and the ball used was an 18 inch beach ball. The team of Ashley Long and Tyla Wynn won the Gold due to Ashley's great serving. The Silver went to Adam and Eve led by Daisy's great returns. Bronze went to Wicked.

This game was like the old slip n' slid we all used to play except that the girls were topless. Once they reached the end they had to open and put a rubber on a dildo, then suck it to complete the event. Two girls from each team went and their times were averaged. The key to winning this event was not who could slide the fastest, but who could open the condom the fastest. The winners were RayVeness and Ashley Haze of Red Light followed closely by Private and Wicked. I guess all the time spent at the Bunny Ranch paid off for RayVeness because she opened that condom like a whore doing a John in a doublewide trailer.

This is when the games starting getting very competitive. Two girls from each team would pull until one girl fell into an inflatable pool in the middle. The Wicked team of jessica drake and Julia Ann looked fantastic, but wasn't able to do better than a bronze medal. The final Tug was between Private and DVSX. These teams were evenly matched and it looked like Avy Scott and Katja Kassin were going to win. They had Aria and Selena Silver up to the edge of the water but then the tide turned and Aria pulled DVSX through to Gold. Selena Silver was on a hot streak after winning $10,000 on the Howard Stern show for holding her bladder the longest earlier in the week.

The object was to pin the other opponent for 3 seconds. Avy Scott (Private) beat Ashley Haze (Red Light) easily in the first fight with a power move. Then we had tiny Gauge (DVSX) against Olivia O'Lovely (Wicked). Being half the size of her opponent she struggled to stay alive and after 20 minutes won on a default since her opponent was unable to answer the bell. That led up to the final round with 2 girls on each team trying for one pin on either girl to win. Avy Scott and Ariana Jollee vs. Aria and Gauge. The small pool that they were wrestling in was too small for 4 people and Avy Scott was accidentally pinned against the side of the pool by the other 3 girls lying on her. It wasn't much of a fight just lucky I'd say. So the Gold went to Gauge and Aria of DVSX. Silver to Avy Scott and Ariana Jollee of Private. For those of you who haven't seen Avy Scott's huge natural tits bouncing around, I'm sorry. They are a sight to see and hold. The Bronze medal went to Alana Evans (Adam & Eve) who outlasted Kaylani Lei. I wanted this fight to last forever since Kaylani (Wicked) was naked and exposed meat as she rolled on the ground. She should get a few points for having a shaved pussy I suggested.

4:30pm: After a short break to tally the scores, Private was named the overall winner and will get the Golden Shower trophy. There was a tie for Silver between DVSX and Red Light. The Bronze went to Wicked and Adam & Eve came up a little short.

To conclude, the first 3 events were pretty tame with a lot of tits and laughter. Then it started to get very competitive with the Tug of Whore and was personal in the Bitch Fight. The last event was incredible with all the contestants giving it their all. They were no weight classes so some of the girls were larger than others. I just want to remind everyone of the story of David and Goliath as tiny Gauge won. Wankus did a great job of keeping the event moving smoothly and on schedule. The lovely Katie Morgan was on site to do the interviews and she wanted to tell everyone that she just got a Boob job and they look nice. She flashed them to me, but unfortunately no photos were allowed. They look spectacular Katie. There were over 35 girls participating in the event along with Legend Ginger Lynn doing the play by play on KSEX radio with Quasarman. At one point during the day Ginger Lynn got naked and posed for the press. She's hot and I still imagine how many times that I masturbated to her movies in my teens. In fact I'm thinking of getting one out tonight if my Match.com date doesn't work out. I am ending with the list of competitors and no one get mad if I misspell anyone's name.

Adam & Eve - Miss Kitty, Carmen Luvana (Coach), Kira Eggers, Brittney Skye, Daisy, Victoria Givens, Anita Blue, Christy Taylor, Alana Evans.

DVSX - Gen Padova, Selena Silver, Gauge, Aria, Renee Pornero, Sun Chen (Coach).

Private - Avy Scott, Layla Jade, Tyla Wynn, Ashley Long, Skeeter Kerkove (Coach), Katja Kassin, Ariana Jollee.

Red Light - Sativa Rose, RayVeness, Ashley Haze, Victoria Sin, Tiana Lynn.

Wicked - Cytherea, Julia Ann, jessica drake, Kaylani Lei, Olivia O'Lovely, Brad Armstrong (Coach).