September 08, 2011 09:12pm
Murder & Cannibalism
Source: Letters to the Editor
by: Cubby Schloss
From time to time we get a Letter to the Editor that boarders upon lunacy… this one is over the top! So, if any of you ladies would like to murder and eat (literally) this man, let us know so we can put you in touch with him… and law enforcement. His personal information has been redacted for his safety. We hope he gets help before he harms himself.
From: Cubby Schloss
Subject: Female Cannibal Feast
Dear Event Coordinator:
If you desire the unique revenue producing venture, I wish to voluntarily donate myself as the Kalua Longpig for the main entree at the women's Barbecue/Luau or the Turkey at the Thanksgiving Dinner.
I have had this fetish for many years and it may be a fantasy money making video for the Internet or reality. I will sign all legal documents so you know I am aware of what I am getting myself into.
I have attached my picture and will tell you where to find the script on Google. My picture serves 2 purposes - 1. Your guests will know who the evening's "piece de resistance" looks like on the platter for this ultimate gastronomic feast. The spellbound attendees who brought cameras may take pictures to remember this fantastic event before the climactic moment proceeds with the carving ritual and 2. If you do not want to fulfill my fetish, I wish to be the slave to femdoms in your video. My interests are Facesitting, Feet Worshiping, and Serving as the Full Service Toilet for the women to empty their bladders and rectums into my awaiting mouth.
[Something else redacted] I am prepared as the Dinner Guest of Honor. After I am fattened up, inspected, and shaved, I am basted with my own juices, oil, and spices. I am roasted alive on the rotisserie/in the imu or alive in the oven. This procedure is located near the banquet area so when the guests arrive they will smell the delicious aroma to stimulate their appetites. The carving crew places me onto the sterling silver carving platter and my golden brown skin, cooked to perfection, is garnished with a honey/pineapple glaze and decorated with fruits. No succulent longpig is complete unless the traditional red apple is stuffed in its mouth. The platter is placed onto the cart and the plump entree is wheeled into the banquet area. The guests were handed slips of paper with my body diagram on it divided into dark and light meat. They gave the slips to their waitresses and were brought to the platformed table where the carvers received them. After given my Last Rites for making the ultimate sacrifice for the dining pleasure of the ravenous guests, the carving ceremony would commence where I would be carved to order by the hostess and/or hostesses.
I am meat so cooking is only a formality. This is really the best destiny I may hope for since I will be appreciated by some of the most discerning palates in the country. I may be fattened up to 240-250 pounds so there will be plenty of meat to go around so everyone gets their choice cut. If there are any leftovers, I will be placed in doggy bags for the guests to take home. It is a privilege to be consumed by your 200 companions and if you sell dinner tickets at $100 each, that is $20,000. My penis and testicles will be auctioned off for dessert. This is an enormous amount of revenue for the evening affair.
I melt when I see bikini clad women in high heels and wish to spend eternity in their warm bellies. The sexiest part of the woman's anatomy is her navel.
My characteristics are 100% healthy, 185 pounds, 5'10," blond hair, blue eyes, never married, no children, no drugs, non-drinker, and non-smoker. I received a football scholarship to Michigan State University and earned the Master of Business Administration. My career is as a librarian.
I do not think of this as the end of my life but the completion of it. It is an honor to serve womankind and to promote female supremacy. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to the favorable reply.