Well, tell Al Gore I solved the problem. I single handedly stopped global warming. How? Well, nothing any red-blooded American wouldn't do; I changed all my light bulbs to those curly-Q kind and bought a Toyota, Yaris. My electric bill went from about $160 a month to - get this - $8.53 a month! My carbon footprint is now so small I can't find small enough shoes! When I got that bill I smugly dusted my hands off and declared, ''There!'', thinking - problem solved!

At least I Thought the problem was solved... Has anyone else noticed the air quality here in the Los Angeles area recently? I'm pretty sure I haven't been teleported back to 1970, but that's the first thing I thought when it became so hazy here.

Those fires we had here in Southern California last year were collectively the biggest natural disaster in recent Us history! As far as lives lost, property damaged and people displaced, it was far worse than even hurricane Katrina!

Those damn fires have totally reversed my cure for global warming altogether! I'm buying a damn boat 'cause in a year or two when Antarctica melts it's gonna be Waterworld! One kid with a frikkin' match and there goes my Nobel Prize!