January 23, 2006 08:30am
Church Family vs Porn Family
Source: Adult Industry News
by: Devyn Devine
The Family of Church versus the Family of Porn: Which Family really has the ties that bind?
Hi gang and happy New Year! Devyn Devine here kicking off this year with something that is sure to get you thinking (but would I have it any other way?). I have been doing the "porn thing" for seven months now.
Prior to beginning my porn career, I was looking for a new strip club to dance in, and the reason why is that I had totaled my car on the way to Alaska, I had a failing marriage, and I was participating in an affair in which I had lied to everyone about.
It was upon the realization that we were financially in the lurch when I told my husband that I wanted to start dancing again to help fix our finances. We had strong ties within our church and maybe we should have turned to someone for a "better" solution to our problems. But we didn't. I decided to go back up to Alaska for the summer and dance, and it was a mere 20 hours in Canada where I lost control of my car on the gravel highway, over-corrected, and smashed my car into a wall of rocks before flipping it completely over. Now if we didn't have any money before, we certainly would have any money to fix this problem. Ashamed about the affair, I didn't feel that we could go to our pastors and ask them for help, but the fact remained that I was stranded in the middle of nowhere.
Reluctantly, my husband called the pastor and told him everything. He told him about the affair, he told him about the dancing, and he told him about the accident. The pastor then told him that they would not help us if this was the lifestyle I chose to lead, and that he would have a restraining order put on me if I tried to talk to any of the under-aged members of the church. I was being kicked out of church! Not only that, this man took it upon himself to call our close and immediate friends and tell them the situation and instruct them that if we asked for help (which I would never do!) that they are not to help us in any way!
In an institution which prides themselves on the love of God and loving your neighbor like you love yourself, is this what I was to expect? I have known most of these people for nine years. Now believe me when I tell you that this is no way intended to be an attack on people who call themselves religious or Christian. The fact is though that it is the Christian who claims to be all about forgiveness, family, and loving others. Instead, my experience was tied up in this simple message: We are family as long as you behave in the manner in which we see fit. We will love you as long as you follow our rules. We will forgive you when you realize that you are wrong and we are right.
So how does this relate to porn? It is simple. Across the globe, any group of people who are so closely knit together become a family. There is a family within the adult industry. Let's face it - we are all sleeping with the same people and therefore by association, we have all slept with each other. However, this isn't strictly about sex. To me, a family is a group of people who love one another, help each other succeed, and protect each other at all costs. In my experiences with this "crazy world of porn," I have had only the best people helping me. I have been in situations where any number of things could have happened to me simply because of the X factor- I flew to Miami right off the bat and trusted that someone would be at the airport to pick me up. I went to England a few months later trusting in the same thing. After being in the business for a few months, I began to form relationship with those who were helping me get work and even began speaking to them on a daily basis. Basically, I had the same relationship with my porn family as I did with my church family!
Now you and I both know that nothing is ever completely perfect. I won't tell you that I didn't meet my fair share of jerks. Those people are what I consider to be the black sheep of the family. Consequently, I have also met my fair share of girls who want to rival me (mostly in the UK). Sibling rivalry is normal and it gives us each a competitive edge. I personally do not want girls to rival me, however, when they do, it forces me to be better. I hope the rivalry does the same for them.
So why compare the two extremes - church and porn? Well I will tell you. I have a problem with hypocrites. I don't understand how someone could get up on Sunday morning and preach the good word of God, then turn his or her back and begin backbiting those who by their definition, needed their help and guidance.
You see, when you enter the adult industry, there is no disclaimer given to you, no guarantee that people will take you under their wings and help you succeed. But when you enter a church, you expect there to be welcoming arms into the family of Christ. People in church stick together because the Bible very specifically tells us that we are to love each other as Christ loved the church (Matt 3:16), but people in porn stick together because we all face the same social stigma by the rest of society: Oh My God! You do Porn?! Society lumps us together with the rest of the sinners and prostitutes but just for the record - it was the sinners and prostitutes that Jesus specifically loved.
I can honestly say though, that not every Christian is a backbiting hypocrite. There are a few that understand what it means to love someone else as you love yourself. Conversely, there are a few real assholes in porn that are only here to exploit naïve girls who don't know any better. There is no absolute in any situation, and with that knowledge, you should not promote yourself as something that you can not guarantee. Jesus guarantees his unfailing love and it is up to you weather or not you believe that. I personally do believe that, but as far as church and religion is concerned - they can all kiss my ass. I will live my life the way I see fit and do the things that will help me get ahead in this world and create a better life for my little girl. I am thankful that I have my new family behind me.
So, I know this is a heavy topic. I want to hear your thoughts! People are only human and we all make mistakes, but shouldn't convictions so strong and beliefs held so tightly manifest themselves above human nature? I believe in making my daughter's life the best it can be and to do that it takes money. My belief in my daughter was stronger than my conviction in church. Shouldn't a person's belief in their God and all of his teachings override a natural tendency to judge others? I would think so, but hey, maybe I am wrong! Send your comments to Devyn @ AINews.com [linked in the box to the right].
This column is dedicated to Kirsten, Karen, and Steve N. Thank you for all you do and for who each of you are!