June 30, 2005 12:00am
Is Swinging For You? Ask a Swinger
by: Julie Wild
Is Swinging for you? Not enough sex at home? Do you buy a self-help book, adult video, see a provider, visit a swing club or what? So many choices, who can you ask?
Welcome to my column, Ask a Swinger. Not that many years ago, before the internet, information on sexual issues, difficulties and problems was hard to locate. Most couples resorted to renting an adult video and using what they viewed as a yardstick for a healthy sex life. This only compounded the problem.
Today there are many avenues to locate information to help you. I always enjoy reading letters from my readers. Please feel free to e mail me your questions on relationship topics, sexual issues, any questions on swinging, escorts or relationships. I will personally respond to each e mail as well as use the most interesting letters in my column. If you request, I will not use your name in my column.
Here are this weeks letters:
I am writing this email with a view to seek your advice. My problem is very peculiar. I don't know, if you have ever come across such a case.
I have a very demanding husband, who needs sex all the time. It is not that I am not interested and I don't enjoy the sex. If it was more than average, I could still stand his demands, but he needs it all the time, whether it is morning, evening, day or night. We have now been married for almost five years and I have had problems coping with it all along.
There are times that I am sore all over with so much sex, feel very tired / drained out and unable to take it any more. Lately, he has been saying that if I can not fulfill his requirement, I should agree to our joining a swing club or a close circle of swingers.
I do not know how I should react to this new situation. Do you think it will be a good idea for us to start swinging. Do you think that it will reduce the load on me. I am very confused. Not that I am totally opposed to swinging (it looks spicy enough), at the same time I think, his demand at home may not decrease and at the same time it may increase the load on me. Every time we go out and swing, I may have to have sex and the frequency may increase further.
Please reply on my this email address. If you need any more information, please ask me. My husband and I share this email address
I have thought about your question with great interest. I offer sex coaching to couples and this is a common issue or problem. I do not think swinging is the answer. It will only increase his interest in sex as well as increase your participation.
Most couples who consider swinging so the husband can meet his perceived sexual requirement are usually surprised to find out that within a few months in the lifestyle, the wife is usually the one that has increased sexual participation. So this would not benefit your relationship.
Here is my suggestion, try working towards a common solution. I would suggest you sharpen up your talking skills and each night, lie in bed next to him, ask him to stroke his cock for you, talk really dirty to him, fulfill a fantasy, tell him how you would like to see him stroke his cock and cum all over your chest. Give his cock a quick lick to scratch his balls to give him that added stimulation.
If you want to solve your problems in a win/win manner, you can save your body for two or three times a week, but he could get off once or twice a day. You will both be happy, and who knows, you might get so good, you can call him at work and get him so excited that by the time he gets home, he is ready to pop.
I like to lay in bed with my husband and masturbate while I talk to him. We both get off and enjoy the experience without ever having intercourse. If you can get him to have an awesome orgasm, I think that is all that matters.
This may come as a surprise, but I have a much lower sex drive than my wife. I am not sure why, but she could have sex every night and twice on Sunday. I work hard and I am always tired during the week, so I am happy with sex once, maybe twice on the weekend.
We have discussed this issue in the bedroom and seem to be at odds over how to deal with it. Lately I found her reading Craig's List. I questioned her and she told me she was looking for a item at a garage sale. I believed her until she left the page open on the computer and she was surfing an adult page for casual sex.
I confronted her and she explained that she is horny all day while I am at work. She fantasizes about the delivery men in the neighborhood. To spice up our sex life, she rented some adult movies, which show men and women having sex for hours. This is just not a fair representation of our sex life. I don't think we ever had sex for hours.
Any suggestions or help would be appreciated. She continually mentions swing clubs, what is your opinion.
With the limited information you provided I will try to suggest a few options. First suggestion would be for each of you to have a complete and thorough physical. Discuss with your doctor the possibility of low or no sexual desire ( LD). Often times some medications will lower your sexual desires.
Second suggestion is to stop judging your sexual activities by the adult videos you are watching. These are actors and actresses. Sometimes they are shot over several days. Most of my girlfriends who have made videos tell me they were so tired after shooting, they rested for a week. So do not use these videos as your yardstick, instead use them to visually stimulate your sexual appetite.
My guess is your wife owns a vibrator, if she does not, buy her a few to try. There is nothing better than Bob ( battery operated boyfriend) although I use a EOB ( electric operated boyfriend).
As for as swing clubs, if you feel your relationship is strong and healthy, you might want to try visiting a swing club. According to your letter, if her sexual appetite is greater than yours, maybe you should consider choosing a night where single men are welcome. Remember, seeing your wife with another man for the first time is not for all men.
Good luck and let me know if I can help.
Don't forget, each month I offer a free call in phone party. If you would like to join in this months phone sex party, please visit my web site for more information. We talk about the swinging lifestyle, escorting, porn and more.
If you have a question for Julie, please e mail me at Julie@JulieWild.com. If you would like to find out more on Julie's Phone Sex Coaching, please visit JulieWild.com or call me at 404-806-7386 for more information.