September 19, 2004 01:28am
Ask a Swinger What Happened To Kissing?
by: Julie Wild
Close your eyes and think back to your first sexual experiences, there was plenty of foreplay and endless kissing. Some of our first fantasies were about kissing. Some of us secretly admit to practicing with our pillows or our girlfriends.
It seems that now, no one has time to kiss. Most of my clients comment on the fact that they are missing the intimacy and the foreplay that comes from kissing. It seems like everyone is in a hurry for sexual gratification. Today quickies seem to be the norm.
Your homework for this week is to take your time, explore your partner and practice kissing.
My husband treats our time together in the bedroom like a carnival ride, thrilling but the ride is over way too quick. I have talked to him about taking his time, with intimacy and foreplay. He seems to be only interested in the instant gratification. Any suggestions?
Jill P. New York, NY
It's common to get caught up in quickies and sometimes it is hard to break the cycle. I suggest setting aside a special date night (away from home if possible) and take the responsibility for slowing things down. Dress sexy, light candles and spend a lot of time kissing and touching before you get to the finish line.
We have recently been invited to a swing party. We know our friends have been involved in swinging for years, but have never had the nerve to go to any of their parties. They invited us again, my wife and I discussed it and have agreed to give it a try. What can we expect? I have read many things on the web, but we need some pointers from an experienced swinger like you.
Frank R. Denver, CO
The best advice I can give you is to spend many hours discussing the boundaries with your wife. Do not cross those boundaries the first time no matter how excited you both get with your new friends. It will seem like a normal party at first, as the evening progresses I am sure it will become more erotic.
My best advice is to go with what feels right and never forget your partner. She is the most important person at the party and without her, you would not be there. Make sure and just talk to the other couples and get to know them, don't push sex. Most couples in the alternative lifestyle have had plenty of sex. They are looking for friends that share their interests, which include exploring sex with other partners.
My husband brought home a male friend last week. My husband has discussed swinging with me several times, but we never acted on his fantasies. After dinner we had a bottle of wine and we all had a great time. The evening was enjoyable, we talked about sex and our crazy college days. Soon my husbands friend, Robert was on the floor performing oral sex on me. I was just sitting there in the chair with my legs spread apart.
I am not sure what came over me, but I decided I wanted Robert. So I took him by the hand and we walked into our bedroom and locked the door. We had great sex for almost 2 hours. I was getting up to unlock the door and check on my husband, but instead I fell asleep in Roberts arms and did not wake up until 10 am the next day.
My husband has not spoke to me in a week. I need your help! It was his idea to bring a home a friend for me to have sex with. What should I do?
Sandy B. Amarillo, TX
I guess the evening did not turn out like your husband thought it would. That is why I always suggest couples talk about swinging ahead of time and sex boundaries. I often tell male clients to be careful what they ask for.
I am assuming that your husband hoped to participate or at the very least not be locked out till 10 in the morning. I usually suggest couples stay together during their first experience so they can relate their feelings to each other. That said, it is too late to fix what happened. Please show your husband this column and try to communicate with him what his feelings are from that night.
Once you are able to talk about it and get over the hurt feelings, I am sure you will be able to move forward in the lifestyle. Before your next experience, be sure to set up some boundaries and guidelines that you can both live with.
I am 24 years old and have a roommate named Claire. At night when I hear her masturbating, I get so horny I go crazy. We are great friends, but I don't seem to be attracted to her. I find myself masturbating when I hear her moaning. Do you think I am bi?
Amber Los Angeles, CA
Sorry, probably not! It is very erotic to hear someone else having an orgasm or listing to other people having sex. You are probably turned on, just keep listening and enjoy yourself. Sounds like you have a great roommate.
If you have a question for Julie, please e mail me at Julie@JulieWild.com. If you would like to find out more on Julie's Phone Sex Coaching, please visit JulieWild.com for more information.
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