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December 10, 2002 10:16am
Mayhem at Sin City! - an Open Letter From Skeeter Kerkove
Source: Mayhem Films
by: Company Press Release

(CHATSWORTH, CA) -- I wanted to go public with the true story behind my new deal with Sin City before a sugar-coated press release or a bunch of Bullshit is sent to you.

If one thing can be said about me, it's that I don't bullshit! If I think you're a great guy - I'll get fucked up with you - on the other hand, if you cross me or someone I care about, I'll skull fuck you and leave you for dead.

If you know another thing about me, it's I know about fucking. It's in my blood - Fuck, my wife's a god damned porno star. Even my name rhymes with "Jerk Off." I know 3-ways, 4-ways, 10-ways, Anals, ATMs... bottom line? I can right a book on Hardcore Fucking.

I've talked to several companies about shooting for them but not until I saw what Sin City was doing did I think that I could make a real difference. I took a look at their stuff and what I saw was a bunch of shit shot for "nice" people. Pretty shit! Now, that's all real nice but the last I looked - the fucking jerk-offs who by this shit want to Jerk Off and fantasize about Fucking a girl (that they have no shot with) in the ass. You know, "Hey let me get a bunch of my loser friends and gangbang the neighbor."

I mean, Sin City's all right but let's be honest do we need another film by a frustrated film school drop-out? "Hey I have an idea before the guy comes on her face, let's have some hidden symbolism." Fuck that! Or do we need another Gonzo shot by an "old" long-haired "over the hill" Director who was making porn when your Grandfather was jerking off? Hell no!

I mean even the box covers look like they've been airbrushed to death by a band of Mexican taggers? Why have women airbrushed to hell? Why not show them with a wad of cum dripping off of their chin after some guy face-fucked them?

So, we went back and forth with the usual bullshit - 'What are your budgets? Who will star? Blah, Blah, Blah! Anyway, I couldn't take it anymore and I told them - "Fuck this! I know what I'm doing. In fact, I'm even willing to put my wife up as collateral." that woke them up!

Ok, so before some douche bag goes running to Luke Ford or Jimmy D - this is the story. I pulled a Corleone! I made Sin City an offer they couldn't refuse! I guaranteed them that whatever I shoot will outsell all of the "supposed" hot sellers. Fuck Dionne, Fuck Stagliano, Fuck Anabolic - I'm taking the shit to a new level. And if I don't outsell them? They can have my wife, Bridgette, to an exclusive 1 Year contract. I know what you're thinking, you can't trade another person - the whole slavery thing is over - what a Scumbag. Well, you're wrong. It was my wife's idea! That's true fucking love! That's how much confidence she has in me!

So, there it is! You heard it from me. Yeah, it's a gamble but what the fuck? Life's a gamble - I used to race for Pink Slips when I was sixteen. So, go ahead - write what you want - but at least I got the truth out before some fat little douche bag with a website writes a bunch of Bull Shit. The line is called Mayhem and my first movie will be a Gang-Bang called Cluster Fucks!

For more on Mayhem, I can be reached at 818.407.9990

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