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Kayden Kross at Twistys

March 31, 2008 08:59pm
Will Ryder to Direct Tom Hanks Comedy
Source: All Media Play
by: Company Press Release

(HOLLYWOOD, CA) -- Dreamworks SKG has just completed extensive contract negotiations with Will Ryder to direct a $125 million dollar comedy starring Academy Awardô winning actor Tom Hanks and comedian Tommy Davidson. The project is scheduled to start shooting in June putting post production plans for not Bewitched XXX in jeopardy.

Best known for X-Playís smash hit adult comedy not the Bradys XXX, Ryder was first approached by Dreamworkís chief Steven Spielberg after the two met outside a Jewish temple in the Fairfax District of Los Angeles.

''No, but itís a great place to meet executives in the film industry,'' stated Ryder when asked if he was Jewish. ''I come here all the time and wear those fun little hats especially when Iím not working on Barely Legal School GirlsÖ the movie that is''.

Spielberg was impressed with Ryderís natural instinct for forced comedy and his camera angles after watching the Brady Bunch spoof at Billy Crystalís nephew Iraís bachelor party remarking, ''Iíve never seen any director shoot up like Mr. Ryder. Nobody points the camera in the air here in Hollywood. We just donít shoot like that.''

''Wow, did Steven really say that?'' Ryder said. ''You know, I really liked what he did with Schindlerís List and Saving Private Ryan too although it might have been a little less depressing if he would have used some bright colorful throw pillows and blankets in the background.''

The comedy starring Hanks and funny man Davidson will be Ryderís first production with a budget of more than $14,000 and the affable director seemed a bit nervous about taking on such a huge responsibility. ''I suppose this is like a union gig or something and those film cameras gotta be pretty complicated. I have no idea how to run one or how Iím going to hold it.'' When told that the Panavision cameras will be mounted on a dolly and shot by a DP, Ryder seemed quite relieved.

Hanks was a bit reserved with his comments when told that Ryder was taking on the project. ''I have yet to meet him but Iíve heard heís a really nice guy, drives a new Mercedes and likes to throw parties.''

''Thatís good enough for me,'' chimed Spielberg who along with partners Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Geffen argued like yentas at a free buffet about hiring a filthy-dirty porn director for their next big feature. ''How the hell do you justify giving a job like this to a relatively unknown director and a porn director at that? I know heís up for an XRCO award but that ainít no Oscarô.''

When told that Ryder was a huge fan of Geffen Records, Guns & Roses and the Museum of Contemporary Art, the entertainment mogul smiled and said, ''Well, I guess everybody deserves a chance. It canít be any worse than Ishtar.''

''This all came so fast. I didnít even have an agent. I tried to reach Derrick at LA Direct but he was at the bank so often, I couldnít get him on the phone, so I had to hire Harry Weiss and he got so busy playing poker at the Commerce Casino we were barely able to close the deal''.

Ryder is unsure if heíll leave porn valley next year for good if the movie is a box office success, but for now heís looking forward to getting back to his summer schedule of X-Play spoofs. ''I told them I have to shoot the Partridges XXX and our Beverly Hillbillies XXX movie so make it snappy.''

Hustler founder Larry Flynt seemed a bit surprised when hearing the news of Ryderís mainstream contract saying, ''Iím thinking of offering him use of my private jet and my two bedroom timeshare down in Boca Raton to quit this movie nonsense. The Dreamworks movies arenít all that good anyway and we really need him working on Barely Legal School Girls and the next Britney Rears adventure.''

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